Being Human - Part 1 of 4
INT. GROCERY/CONVENIENCE STORE. NIGHT
Stuart and Emma are wandering around the grocery store. Emma picks up various multicoloured grocery packets, instinctively handing them to Stuart who ushers them into the shopping trolley like a well-oiled machine;
EMMA
Did you end up making the chicken thingy I messaged you while I was away?
STUART
Yep – it was actually pretty good.
EMMA
Well thankyou.
STUART
Well… better than the truth...
EMMA
Which is...?
STUART
Got take away every night...
EMMA
Y’know, I actually do wonder sometimes… I wonder about the person I’m going to date when you’re so fat.
STUART
Oh come on honey! If I felt like that too, I would’ve walked a long time ago. [she hits him] You know you can learn from my whole hearted kindness and diplomacy.
EMMA
Yeah…
Walked a long time ago huh ? So, why haven’t you walked Mr ?
STUART
Shhh... you’re upsetting this extremely innocent mango.
EMMA
Ah huh... nice deflection. You’re getting so much better at coming up with lame jokes to divert.
Well done little boy.
[with a pat on the head like she is talking to a lil puppy dog]
STUART
Okay...Sorry - I’m ready.
What was the question?
C’mon, I can do this…… for at least.... 75 seconds?
Okay, okay.... ask me anything you want.
[BEAT, THEN; a moment in the middle of the grocery store.]
EMMA
Stuart... why are we still together?
STUART
Honest here?
STUART
Well.. I question it. All the time.
It is not a bad thing. I think it’s healthy. In a weird way because... see, I’ve got this... I dunno... “internal dialogue” going all the time about where I am in life. I question everything... and that includes being with you -- especially that.
EMMA
Yeah?
Why?
STUART
Well, I guess, ‘cause you’re the biggest thing in my life, Em.
EMMA
And...?
STUART
The more I ask myself, the more I look - the more I really see you. It is just a good feeling knowing that I am pushing a grocery cart around with the one person I really want to be with.
EMMA
Hey expert..Think you could help me come up with a line to divert a confrontation right now?
STUART
Em... I think we should..
Get you a gym membership.
EMMA
Nice! Such an asshole.
STUART
Seriously... Perhaps that Atkins guy could hook you up?
EMMA
...He died from a heart attack.
STUART
...Right.
Stuart and Emma are wandering around the grocery store. Emma picks up various multicoloured grocery packets, instinctively handing them to Stuart who ushers them into the shopping trolley like a well-oiled machine;
EMMA
Did you end up making the chicken thingy I messaged you while I was away?
STUART
Yep – it was actually pretty good.
EMMA
Well thankyou.
STUART
Well… better than the truth...
EMMA
Which is...?
STUART
Got take away every night...
EMMA
Y’know, I actually do wonder sometimes… I wonder about the person I’m going to date when you’re so fat.
STUART
Oh come on honey! If I felt like that too, I would’ve walked a long time ago. [she hits him] You know you can learn from my whole hearted kindness and diplomacy.
EMMA
Yeah…
Walked a long time ago huh ? So, why haven’t you walked Mr ?
STUART
Shhh... you’re upsetting this extremely innocent mango.
EMMA
Ah huh... nice deflection. You’re getting so much better at coming up with lame jokes to divert.
Well done little boy.
[with a pat on the head like she is talking to a lil puppy dog]
STUART
Okay...Sorry - I’m ready.
What was the question?
C’mon, I can do this…… for at least.... 75 seconds?
Okay, okay.... ask me anything you want.
[BEAT, THEN; a moment in the middle of the grocery store.]
EMMA
Stuart... why are we still together?
STUART
Honest here?
STUART
Well.. I question it. All the time.
It is not a bad thing. I think it’s healthy. In a weird way because... see, I’ve got this... I dunno... “internal dialogue” going all the time about where I am in life. I question everything... and that includes being with you -- especially that.
EMMA
Yeah?
Why?
STUART
Well, I guess, ‘cause you’re the biggest thing in my life, Em.
EMMA
And...?
STUART
The more I ask myself, the more I look - the more I really see you. It is just a good feeling knowing that I am pushing a grocery cart around with the one person I really want to be with.
EMMA
Hey expert..Think you could help me come up with a line to divert a confrontation right now?
STUART
Em... I think we should..
Get you a gym membership.
EMMA
Nice! Such an asshole.
STUART
Seriously... Perhaps that Atkins guy could hook you up?
EMMA
...He died from a heart attack.
STUART
...Right.
posted by TTB at 7:28 PM
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